Although the scars of yesterday, remain...

Welp, starting over is always a good thing <3

Same things apply from the old LJ:
-rant about real life once in awhile
-excessive video game ranting
-excessive fangirling of anime/video games at times
-excessive randomness

like what you've read? friend me :3

Lets see in the last 12 hours...

I havent slept in about 24-36 hours.
I smoked a bag to myself
Drank two bottles of awesome mountain dew
Stuffed my face with oreo cookies like a fatty
Watched anime and my friend's WoE video from Saturday
Got asked out on a date.

Wait back the fuck up!? I got asked out on a date?! Heh heh damn right I did! <3

So this spring break was one to be remembered :3.

Leaving off from tuesday was it? I fucking forgot. Regardless the rest of my week was filled with work, booze, joints, and good company. I really needed that week tbh, my depression was slowly going down a path i never want to cross again [2009 part 2 x.x] but this week dragged me out of that downward path... thank god.

So i basically have two months left until i graduate with my BA... time fucking flew out the window, holy fuck x.x I am about to get started on writing out graduate school applications to three schools: Rowan, Rutgers and Monmouth Universities. Thankfully FAFSA is giving me a pretty big loan, but i honestly dont know where i want to go to school this time around, do i want to live on campus again to avoid my overprotective and nosy mother? to stay close to home to actually have time to hang out with my friends again and reconnect? (I'm leaning towards the get the hell out of my house option, or even the state, i like traveling :3!) But alas, it is the end of this chapter in my life.

Now on to other things...
Hunger Games is amazing, i recommend it to everyone, especially the book series <3
Mirai Nikki and Persona 4 are fast approaching their end Q_Q
Currently watching Durarara! cause i can never seem to catch it on adult swim anymore -.-

Now excuse me as i roll another blunt and watch the wind take the newly grown leaves off their branches.

well this week was a roller coaster for me.

Depression started coming back worse than ever. Mixing that with my smoking habits and the deep thought process caused me to have many unwanted anxiety attacks due to paranoia. My self esteem and confidence is at an all time low, i tried to explain to a close guildmate of mine the situation i was in. Where i couldnt tell what kind of mixed signals my friend was sending my way. (I read into things way to much, the curse of being very observant.) Kenny was telling me to just be direct and ask the question, "what route is this relationship going to take" but then i told him about the one time i did grow the balls to ask and his response and Kenny was telling me to disregard that one cause things could be different now. Im way to shy to ask twice in less than a month. Its not like we see eachother everyday, its more like everyother weekend... if that.

I did not end up going to beer olympics yesterday. I;m kinda happy about it. It lasted from 10pm to about 5-6am. I dont want to know why it took that long, but by the end of the night only one team was still there and not missing people, and they kind of won by default. Again, I dont know how people can do that. Rick woke up 4 hours later, still drunk. I made a very good decision this weekend, that and i dont think i wouldve walked out a live with drinking + depression.

Anyway, so i explain everything to my friend phil later, and he said i should do things the way i feel comfortable with. i dont need to rush anything and when i feel the time is right, i should ask, if i havent been asked first. i personally, at this point, just dont care anymore. i already told my mother that im not interested in any guys, or dating for a while. which is pretty much the truth. i dont want a relationship, but if you are giving me mixed signals, then fucking tell me which one it is and not toy around with me. i hate that shit. cause if you like me in that certain way, then maybe, depending on how long weve known eachother and the way im feeling at that point and time, im willing to give it another go. but if your going to keep fucking toying around with me, im gonna go from the sweetest angel into a freaken devil.

i guess im contradicting myself eh?

this is what happens when you have too much time on your hands and suffer from anxiety/paranoia and depression. your mind wanders and the emotions based on those feelings at the time can wreck your life.

depression sucks. i hope next week is better. spring break :3!

Finally caught up on my anime, a little pissed high school dxd and hunterxhunter didnt release anything this week =[

Persona 4: Full of lulz, kind of a filler again since its obtaining more social links, but theres only what, 5 epsiodes left D: im a little worried as to how they are gonna end it in a short amount of time. This makes me want to play the game all over again...

Mirai Nikki: Holy balls, just... holy balls... shit hit the fan. i want the next episode like nao Q_Q I would read the manga, but i dont want to ruin it for myself.

Anyway, Mass Effect 3, looks fucking awesome, the trailer and the demo gameplay make me want the game even more. However, im trying to save up for tales of graces f before anything. Tales > ME3 :3!

Also, is it wrong to be completely fucked up by 10 am on your day off? and at 11:44 i want sonic take out so fucking bad. Too bad there isnt one close by, it makes me a sad pandaaaaaaaa Q_Q

Yay Hangovers :3

Last night was eventful, my one roommate who is suspended from campus and is (thankfully) moving out stopped in to pick up the rest of her shit. However, she threw out all of my food in the fridge. ALL OF IT. as well as drink some of my wine. I don't care what her excuse is, that food in there was two days old, hell, the milk was still sealed up. What the fuck was she thinking when she grabbed it and chucked it? What the fuck have I done to you to deserve something like that? Fucking psycho bitch.

After all that shit she's staying the weekend which makes me want to GTFO as fast and as soon as possible. Last night after the fridge fiasco, i visited my cousin and her boyfriend and drank an entire bottle of the cheapest vodka ever to myself. Im amazed im still alive. :3! Played with thier new pet gecko named Rusty. Its so fucking cuuuuuuteeeee <333 that thing though, can fucking jump, holy shit.

Then this morning I got invited over to Rick;s place to chill out and get away from the psycho roommate, which i hope leaves by monday morning for Dani gonna rage. Bringing the rum cause its WoE tonight. And everyone knows i WoE better when im under the influence <3! This IMO was perfect timing on his part, otherwise i was gonna be forced to go to my cousin-in-law's baby shower and be ridiculed by my family for hours on end. Plus, I dont do those girly thingies. not my style. I love Jenn to death like a sister, but she and i both know it will turn in to a chaotic shitstorm if i show my face at the restaurant.

This is gonna be a weekend shit show.

[4:01 AM]

Best. night. ever. <3!!

~_~ I should be studying for this Spanish exam tomorrow morning... But fuck that.
Instead I've been talking on vent for the last two hours about how some guildmates of mine chill out and LAN once in a while and get ridiculously drunk in the process. However now all 5 of em wanna chill next weekend for War of Emperium (WoE) and troll on Ragnarok.

Animosity party in Dani's apartment? Lol my roommates are gonna fucking hate me for this. Thankfully afaik only two have been confirmed to stay over, Hrishi and Steve, though Matt Rick and Rachel are still up in the air. If they all show up its going to be a total shitstorm. Can't fucking wait.

Also, finally started FF13-2. Hope its better than 13. /crosses fingers. And I'm officially broke again. Q_Q

Recently I picked up Final Fantasy XIII-2, sadly I havent even touched it yet. Reason? Trying to speed through its predecessor, FFXIII. However, this speed run, is turning into a granny walk. I'm such a procrastinator. I just hit chapter 11 and I just cant bring myself to finish it, the linear game play kills me. At least FFX was linear but had a good story and kept you engaged with side quests and other little missions that popped up through out the game, this is just a travesty... explains why I havent touched it since I beat it a few years ago...

Must. Get. Through. This. D:!!!

Other news, recently been rewatching Furuba <3 as currently trying to stream the new episodes of Persona 4, Hunter x Hunter, and Mirai Nikki. Ramapo internet, Y U SO SLOW?! Q_Q Guess I'll wait until after class to catch up on them.

Still debating on selling old manga and things that I dont read/need anymore. Hmmm...