daniderp: (Default)
So yea, nothing really new. Just getting ready to finish up here and idk go home?

MY 4/20 was quite uneventful, played babysitter for a few friends who never smoked/done shrooms before. it was quite lulz. I was the designated driver and made sure no one got themselves killed during thier trips. Needless to say i still indulged in a few joints. A little bummed i couldnt have any shrooms though.

A good friend of mine on RO introduced me to a friend of his a while back. Like, a month or so ago? Anyway needless to say we started slowly chatting with eachother and moved up to phone calls. 4/20 i actually visited/hungout with him. I was in the area anyway ( i had to go home this 4/20 he literally lives 15 minutes north of me). so granted i was awkward at first but i actually had fun. We have similar tastes in games and music, hes fit, tall, spanish, from the UK, has the adorable british accent.

back the fuck up, did i just hit the jackpot? British accent, tall, athletic, the sweetest person ever? I think I just did <3

He actually told me that he likes me today, however i want to wait a little longer before i make any sort of decision on that caliber. Based on how it goes when im actually home for the summer is gonna be the defining factor. There is a huge difference for when im here at school, living an independent life away from my overbearing mother, and when im at home with my mom up my ass every 30 or so minutes and shes very nosey too, which i really dislike...

I love how things start drastically turning around towards summer. However, I'm not holding my breath
daniderp: (Default)
Lets see in the last 12 hours...

I havent slept in about 24-36 hours.
I smoked a bag to myself
Drank two bottles of awesome mountain dew
Stuffed my face with oreo cookies like a fatty
Watched anime and my friend's WoE video from Saturday
Got asked out on a date.

Wait back the fuck up!? I got asked out on a date?! Heh heh damn right I did! <3
daniderp: (collete)
So this spring break was one to be remembered :3.

Leaving off from tuesday was it? I fucking forgot. Regardless the rest of my week was filled with work, booze, joints, and good company. I really needed that week tbh, my depression was slowly going down a path i never want to cross again [2009 part 2 x.x] but this week dragged me out of that downward path... thank god.

So i basically have two months left until i graduate with my BA... time fucking flew out the window, holy fuck x.x I am about to get started on writing out graduate school applications to three schools: Rowan, Rutgers and Monmouth Universities. Thankfully FAFSA is giving me a pretty big loan, but i honestly dont know where i want to go to school this time around, do i want to live on campus again to avoid my overprotective and nosy mother? to stay close to home to actually have time to hang out with my friends again and reconnect? (I'm leaning towards the get the hell out of my house option, or even the state, i like traveling :3!) But alas, it is the end of this chapter in my life.

Now on to other things...
Hunger Games is amazing, i recommend it to everyone, especially the book series <3
Mirai Nikki and Persona 4 are fast approaching their end Q_Q
Currently watching Durarara! cause i can never seem to catch it on adult swim anymore -.-

Now excuse me as i roll another blunt and watch the wind take the newly grown leaves off their branches.
daniderp: (Default)
My spring break so far. is amazing. considering only like 10 days ago i was in another depressive slump/episode. The really nice weather and the fact that work is keeping my mind off of a lot of stuff helped me out tremendously.

My friday was blah as when i got home i went directly to work, which wasnt that bad. it actually brought a smile to my face cause i got to catch up with friends finally :3! lots of stuff apparently happened in the last month. i wont go into detail to spare you all because well, its all inside jokes and shit.

Anyway my st. pattys day was entertaining. Of course i got the shit end of the stick and had to go to work, however afterwards i shared a few beers with a friend and made a good time out of it. <3! Then Sunday Phil invited me over to his shore house in Avon and i had a freaken blast. Hookah, beer and peppermint schnapps. never. again. lol. Still i needed to see and chill on the beach badly. im a jersey shore girl for fucks sake, i live on the beach <3! and today was also entertaining, martinis and houlihans and doing some catchin up with a good friend of mind about his trip to ireland. i was so jelly =[ i want to go there so fuckin bad.

Tomorrow should be entertaining as well, going to phily again to walk around and chill out. the rest of the my week i have no idea. the only bummer is i cant see hunger games since im working the midnight showing and possibly the entire fucking weekend. /sigh guess ill watch it when i get back to school or before work on day next weekend, nbd.

now im just letting the three martinis, and this beer sink in, before i go to sleep and wake up feeling like uber crap and going on a car trip. i kind of regret not bringing my ps3 home. i guess i can finally beat tales of vesperia on the xbox 360. i really wish the ps3 version came to the states. i also really really realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly want tales of graces. next paycheck!!!!!!! <3 oh and i watched my friend play some mass effect 3. and its amazing, too bad the ending really kills it D:

i also has a lulz worthy story. maybe the next time i post ill explain it, it doesnt require any understanding of an inside joke.
daniderp: (Default)
well this week was a roller coaster for me.

Depression started coming back worse than ever. Mixing that with my smoking habits and the deep thought process caused me to have many unwanted anxiety attacks due to paranoia. My self esteem and confidence is at an all time low, i tried to explain to a close guildmate of mine the situation i was in. Where i couldnt tell what kind of mixed signals my friend was sending my way. (I read into things way to much, the curse of being very observant.) Kenny was telling me to just be direct and ask the question, "what route is this relationship going to take" but then i told him about the one time i did grow the balls to ask and his response and Kenny was telling me to disregard that one cause things could be different now. Im way to shy to ask twice in less than a month. Its not like we see eachother everyday, its more like everyother weekend... if that.

I did not end up going to beer olympics yesterday. I;m kinda happy about it. It lasted from 10pm to about 5-6am. I dont want to know why it took that long, but by the end of the night only one team was still there and not missing people, and they kind of won by default. Again, I dont know how people can do that. Rick woke up 4 hours later, still drunk. I made a very good decision this weekend, that and i dont think i wouldve walked out a live with drinking + depression.

Anyway, so i explain everything to my friend phil later, and he said i should do things the way i feel comfortable with. i dont need to rush anything and when i feel the time is right, i should ask, if i havent been asked first. i personally, at this point, just dont care anymore. i already told my mother that im not interested in any guys, or dating for a while. which is pretty much the truth. i dont want a relationship, but if you are giving me mixed signals, then fucking tell me which one it is and not toy around with me. i hate that shit. cause if you like me in that certain way, then maybe, depending on how long weve known eachother and the way im feeling at that point and time, im willing to give it another go. but if your going to keep fucking toying around with me, im gonna go from the sweetest angel into a freaken devil.

i guess im contradicting myself eh?

this is what happens when you have too much time on your hands and suffer from anxiety/paranoia and depression. your mind wanders and the emotions based on those feelings at the time can wreck your life.

depression sucks. i hope next week is better. spring break :3!
daniderp: (Default)
So my night last night was very eventful, and caught me entirely off guard.

Best night ever )
Then this morning I woke up with my usual stomach issues. Extreme pain and nausea. Couldnt keep food down for a few hours not to mention the lack of sleep again. But again, Rick being the sweetheart he is, went around the corner and bought me crackers and a waterbottle. and 'lo and behold 4 hours later and all is good. I really felt bad, and i know he felt bad too cause we wanted to go to the mall today but at 11am my stomach was still in the shitter and i didnt want to risk myself gettign sick in public or my condition turning worse. Also found out im not the only one with stomach issues thankfully hahaha. I think hes getting me some cheesecake though <3.

I swear to god if hes leading me on and I get hurt in the end. Im through with guys. I'll stay single forever.

daniderp: (Default)
I felt this post was necessary.
I know, double post, sue me.

The drugs begin to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer
You won't try to save me!
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate!

Read more... )

Please dont ask why all of a sudden I'm spilling my guts. It's been pent up for a good week or so and I felt the need to let it out of my system. I like to think of it as therapy. :3